Keith does not deserve any of this, and yet here it is

[pidgeypidge]

Sometimes, the only way to amuse herself during the nights where she can't sleep is to bother Hunk or Lance. Nine times out of ten, it's Hunk, but only because he's generally more tolerant of late-night-early-morning nonsense. Lance is usually the last resort, due in large part to the way he likes to grump about needing his beauty sleep. It's laughable - and completely untrue - but the complaints get old after a bit so she tries to be considerate. Most of the time.

Tonight she's feeling less considerate than usual. So Lance it is. She doesn't even check the time - or the recipient - before firing off a text.

If he's awake, she's prepared to deal with his grousing for a bit. If not, she can always find something else to do.

What are you wearing?

Comments

[dispersing]

He's finally managed to settle into bed, yet still not quite ready to attempt sleep, staring at the ceiling instead when the vibrating from the incoming message has him reaching out to see who in their right mind thought that it was a good time to send texts. For him to get one at all is odd enough, but at this hour, it's even weirder... and given who it's from, it's even stranger still. And then there's the message itself.

For several long moments, he stares at the screen in confusion, not understanding why it is she's sending him that. Does she need him to meet her somewhere? Does he need to actually get dressed for this? Is she serious? Wait, wasn't that a line from some commercial?

Racking his brain to come up with a snippet of memory, he taps out a reply, deletes it, taps out another, deletes it too, and taps out a third only to delete it yet again, before it finally it hits him. It's so stupid, like something Lance would say, but at the same time, it's really the only answer there is, and as he hits what should be voice to text, he can't not say it in exactly the same flat tone he vaguely remembers:

"Um... khakis?"

Aaaand sent. Except the moment it's sent, he realizes that what he hit was most definitely not voice to text, but voice record, and he just sent that to Pidge.

Ohhh fuck him sideways.

[pidgeypidge]

She's not actually expecting an answer right away, which is why she cuts the screen off and sets it aside in favor of climbing out of bed. It's late, and she has nothing else going on. Everyone else has probably been asleep for hours, which means she's on her own.

What are the odds of Lance even being awake enough to hit her back soon enough to provide a suitable distraction? If he takes too long, she'll have to figure something else out. If he's already awake or if her message wakes him up, it'll be guaranteed entertainment for a while, though, so that's what she's hoping for.

The response comes in sooner than she'd have guessed. She's expecting a text, so she flops back onto her bed before checking it. What she gets is so much better than a text, and also fairly confusing- both because she's about ninety percent sure it was Lance she'd texted before and because probably the last thing she's anticipating is hearing Keith's voice.

So it takes her a solid minute or so to process all of that and then formulate a response.

Okay, are you really wearing khakis or are you just being weird because I sent that to the wrong person?

[dispersing]

Oh. That explains a lot then, if she sent it to the wrong- wait, who was she trying to send it to?

i thought you were quoting a commercial
why were you asking about what people are wearing?

Perhaps the explanation will make more sense than what it looks like, because why would anyone want to quote an insurance commercial? Then again, it is Pidge, so anything is possible.

[pidgeypidge]

Why do people generally ask questions?

Maybe being sarcastic isn't the best approach in this situation, especially since she was the one who'd started this. Still, she can't help herself sometimes.

I was asking Lance because it's late and I can't sleep. And because I figured it'd be good for a laugh since he goes to bed early.

And also because she wants to know the answer, but there's no need to point that out right now.

[dispersing]

you know he wouldn't see it until he wakes up right?
did you try sheep?

Counting sheep has never actually worked for him, but some people swear by it. And it still doesn't explain why she was asking about clothes.

?
did you need help with something?
or were you just wanting to see if he answered you?

If she needs help, he can always throw something on and hunt her down. Besides, with her, one can never be certain if maybe she's awake because she was in the middle of something she couldn't put down or not.

[pidgeypidge]

Sometimes he's awake.
How are sheep going to help?

Counting sheep has never been an effective way of getting to sleep because if she gets into a counting groove, she usually ends up more awake than when she started.

Mostly the latter.
Insomnia's a bitch sometimes.

That's certainly an understatement.

What are you doing awake? It's pretty late.

[dispersing]

can't sleep
and because i got a text
that wasn't meant for me
so that means i don't have to answer it

Of course she'd have been trying to text someone else. He's never been that great at getting close to people, and even though he's made some progress, he'll never be at the same level as the others. It doesn't mean he won't try though.

[pidgeypidge]

I'm not going to apologize unless I woke you up.

Because apologizing for someone else's inability to sleep when it has nothing to do with her would just be ridiculous.

Would you answer the question if I said it was meant for you?

It wasn't, and she's not even sure she wants to know, but this is still more entertaining than staring at her ceiling in the dark.

[dispersing]

She can't see it, but her words earn a raised eyebrow at the screen. Does he answer this truthfully or no?

you didn't
and you wouldn't say that
because we both know it'd be a lie

Truthfully works. And it's not until he sends it that he realizes just how bad he is at actually communicating with people. It was a simple yes or no question, stupid.

[pidgeypidge]

I'm about 95% sure you don't even own khakis.

Which is not even the point here, but she feels the need to point it out anyway.

You're right. It wasn't meant for you, but you're the one who got it so I'm asking now.

[dispersing]

unless it was required for some reason
i wouldn't wear khaki at all
i spent a year surrounded by desert
i really don't want to wear anything that makes me look like sand

Not to mention that it's just a bland and boring colour. He may not be a fashionista, but khaki and red just feels like retail worker and is totally not his thing. Besides, his gloves would clash hard. He's still not sure why she'd want to know what he's wearing though.

...
clothes?
sort of
i guess

[pidgeypidge]

Some people are into it.
That's fair though.

Pidge can honestly say she's never given clothes much thought, but she's probably the exception to that rule. She's also glad this is just text because that next message makes her snort.

Are you asking me or telling me?

[dispersing]

telling you
i think
i mean yes
yes i am telling you

[pidgeypidge]

Has anyone ever told you how adorable you are?

It's doubtful, and she's not actually saying it now, but she can't not ask. It's also well past the cutoff for not being a menace to anyone willing to speak to her.

As long as we're clear on that.

[dispersing]

...
my dad
granted i was 5
and covered in flour
because i was helping him make dinner
and by helping i mean making a huge mess

Wait, what if she was just being sarcastic? It is Pidge after all. Well, too late now, learn to think of these things before responding, Keith.

[pidgeypidge]

I'd ask if you knew what the word rhetorical means, but that is probably one of the cutest things I've heard in a while.

[dispersing]

Hey, he could be cute! When he was little, a lot less fighty, and a lot happier.

i didn't think of that
until after i'd already sent it

And because it has to be asked...

you're not wearing khakis
are you?

[pidgeypidge]

I figured.

She still felt the need to tease him a little, though.

They are pretty comfy but I don't generally wear them to bed.

Why so curious?

[dispersing]

you asked first
so i figured it was only fair
that you answer your own question

Actually, this is better than lying awake staring at the ceiling or something, so for that alone, he'll keep it up.

[pidgeypidge]

I did. Fair is fair after all.

So now what?

[dispersing]

Ooh, good question. Where do they go from there?

well
you did say you were trying to text lance
to ask him that

So that would mean that he's giving her permission to do so, right? It's definitely not going to mean that he's going to pull the 'pretend i'm him because he's probably asleep' card.

so







i don't believe you
prove it

Or maybe he's actually awake enough that yes, he really is.

[pidgeypidge]

I did say that. I absolutely recommend bothering him the next time you can't sleep. It's always great.

There's a slight delay between that message and the next one during which she reads and rereads that last bit.

How am I going to prove it?

[dispersing]

i don't know
take a picture or something
i'm not gonna make you get out of bed
over a question

[pidgeypidge]

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Of course, Pidge is now well aware of who she's actually texting, so the odds of getting anything other than a blurry photo of khakis are probably pretty slim.

[dispersing]

Because he knows himself pretty well, he's fairly sure what she thinks she's getting: some rush pic. And because of that, he's going to prove her wrong. Prepare yourself, Pidgey, because you're getting a pic that is anything but blurry.

see?
no khakis.

Instead what she'll get is clear and in-focus proof that he's very much not wearing khakis. The photo has been taken straight down, held right at collarbone height so the angle is a little awkward, but it's all pale skin with short red and black boxer briefs that don't blatantly show off anything but don't exactly hide either. Congrats Pidge, whether you ever wanted the image of Keith in his underwear seared into your head or not, you just got it.

[pidgeypidge]

That... is definitely not the sort of terrible photo she's expecting and, for a brief moment, she has to pause to admire the fact that Keith apparently has an eye for this sort of thing. Which means there's definitely a delay before he gets another message. When she does manage to quit staring long enough to remember what she was doing, she ends up typing, erasing and retyping the thing a handful of times before finally settling on a response that works.

You were right.

It's entirely possible that he just threw the hypothetical khakis away before-hand, but Pidge can't really imagine a single possible reason he'd have for doing so. It sounds more like something Lance would do, anyway. Mostly, she's glad this is still a dumb text conversation because she's definitely saving that pic. For science. And maybe repurposing it as Keith's contact photo.

She's also hoping he'll just overlook the fact that she'd sort of agreed to reciprocate.

[dispersing]

Really, it's not him, it's just 'tap to focus and hold steady until it takes a picture'. It really doesn't even occur to him until she actually responds that maybe he probably shouldn't have done that. What if someone goes through her phone and finds it?

sorry
i wasn't trying to be creepy or anything

Because that makes it all better, right? At least for now, reciprocation is overlooked.

[pidgeypidge]

How is she even supposed to follow up with that? Pidge has no idea. She's not really expecting another message from right away, so when it comes she's just sort of staring at it for a minute.

No need to apologize.
Creepy isn't really the word I'd use here.

[dispersing]

inappropriate then?
i'm not really sure what the right word would be.

[pidgeypidge]

Maybe.

That's not really helping. And staring at the pic really isn't helping, so she's just going to stop doing that for real now.

Real talk though?
I was expecting like. a pic of your shorts or something.

Which probably doesn't sound much better, but she's not all that worried about phrasing at the moment.

Not that I'm complaining.

[dispersing]

What is she saying? Why would he-

i'm not taking my clothes off
just to take a picture of them and send it

That's what she meant, right?

[pidgeypidge]

Oh Keith, you beautiful soul.

It's not that hard to take a picture of something while you're wearing it.

Case in point- A minute or so later, he'll get a photo of the front of the oversized t-shirt she's wearing.

[dispersing]

but
isn't that what i did?

He's so confused. Maybe it has a different meaning to girls?

i mean it's not like i sent a picture of anything horribly inappropriate
at least i don't think i did?

[pidgeypidge]

Has anyone ever told you how cute you are?

Somehow she's doubting it, but she still feels the need to say it now.

[dispersing]

no?
pidge you gotta be tired if you're talking like that.
do i have to come over and put you to bed?

[pidgeypidge]

She really shouldn't, but...

Do you want to come over and put me to bed?

[dispersing]

Is that a dare? He can't be sure, but it absolutely sounds like one to him, and he's about as good at backing down as Lance if not worse.

What does this mean for Pidge?

do you want me to?

It means that she's getting a knock on her door a few minutes after her message. At least he had the foresight to put a shirt on, considering their earlier conversation about indecency and khakis.

[pidgeypidge]

This conversation has taken a turn for the amusing, and Pidge can't find a single thing to complain about. She's not actually expecting him to go along with it even if he'd been the one to bring it up in the first place, which is why she sends an I asked you first. and sets the phone down.

So needless to say, that knock startles her just a bit. She's quick to recover, though, and makes her way over to see what all that's about. Keith is probably the last person she's expecting to be standing there, though.

"Oh hey."

[dispersing]

Why did he do this? Why in the world did he not think this through first? Okay, cool, he's standing in the hallway and she's standing there at her door... now what? Nice one, Keith.

"...Hey."

What is wrong with him? He should just turn and go back to his room, or at the very least just pick her up, drop her in her bed, take her phone, turn the light off, and go back to his own room.

Yes, yes that sounds like a good plan. That's what he's calling it now, Good Plan. Now to put Good Plan into motion.

"You didn't answer my question."

The one about whether or not he needed to come over and put her to bed, made completely moot by the fact that he's there now. Because he just acted without thinking it through.

[pidgeypidge]

"Hey."

She's already said that, and now she's saying it again in lieu of anything intelligent. But the fact that he's taken it upon himself to come all the way over and lurk in her doorway is more than a little surprising and she's not quite sure how to feel about it, if she's being completely honest.

"I absolutely did."

Alright, technically she'd answered his question with one of her own, but she's going to count it. Besides, she might have answered it for real if he had waited longer than a couple of minutes before deciding to just show up.

[dispersing]

He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at that, his expression as flat and 'are you serious' as he can muster while feeling like a complete idiot for being there in the first place.

"Answering questions with questions is the same as not answering at all."

But now he has to come up with a reason for why he's there and his mind grabs onto the very first thing he can think of, even though he's absolutely terrible at lying.

"And for the record, I'm not here because of that. I was going to get something to eat and thought I'd see if you wanted anything. You know, since we're... both awake."

[pidgeypidge]

"You showed up before I could answer. What if I'd said no?"

She's not saying no, but it's a little weird that he'd just showed up and Pidge has decided that the best way to process that is to give him a hard time. It's her default response most of the time.

"Oh. That's considerate." And probably an excuse, but who's counting? "I could eat."

[dispersing]

"I figured as much." No, no he didn't. "C'mon, let's go find food."

Is she even dressed enough to venture out? He has no clue, but he'll at least wait for her to decide if she wants to come along. The whole thing might have been to keep himself from looking like a total idiot for just acting without thinking things through, but he's going to keep it going for as long as he's able.

After all, it's not that he doesn't like the others, he's just not good at being terribly social when it comes to being around people.

[pidgeypidge]

"Yea. You can put me to bed after."

Is she serious? It's hard to say, but that's just part of the fun that comes from dealing with her. And he's the one that brought it up originally, after all.

As for the shirt, it's long enough on her that she doesn't really need to put on bottoms. So the decision is a fairly easy one. Given the choice of staying in her room alone or following Keith elsewhere to get food, she's always going to pick the latter.

[dispersing]

So she hadn't forgotten about that little exchange, huh?

"I just don't want to be the one getting blamed when you oversleep later."

In all honesty, he didn't even know why he had responded to the text in the first place other than that he couldn't sleep and was bored. And now, here they are, sneaking around for a late night snack.

"...and nothing resembling goo."